[FANFIC][18+] Pirizuka x Reader

It is a stormy night in Zerahypt City. You walk the streets in search for a place to hide from the rain. Suddenly, you see a zerzek at a gas station, which is quite an unusual sight, and pretty impressive as well. You decide to inspect the zerzek more closely, since the gas station can provide temporary shelter anyway. Then you see her. Pirizuka "Pizza" Pineapple (that's my headcanon for her full name), the one and only! You can't believe your eyes, what a coincidence that of all zerzeks in the Encydros, this zerzek would belong to your biggest idol! You simply must ask her for an autograph.
"Ah, excuse me. Miss Pirizuka?", you beckon.
"snf", she replies.
You are taken aback by the utter poetry of her response. You shed one million tears.
"Wow... That's beautiful. Aaaaaanyway would you autograph my ass?", you respond in reverence.
"snf", she proclaims with a smile.
"Siiiiiick, thanks broseph.", you poignantly oblige, whereupon Pirizuka issues an offer even more gracious than the last:
"snf"
"You're letting me into your zerzek to hide from the rain?", you ponder aloud.
"yes you fucking idiot", she eloquently retaliates.

You enter the luxurious zerzek interior. It almost seems larger on the inside, but wait, this isn't a Doctor Who fanfic so never mind. The room is saturated with classy furniture that somehow still has a futuristic look to it, mainly because it's made out of lasers. You wonder for a moment how they made a jacuzzi out of laser, but, wait is that a camera crew?
"Yo, wassup MTV, I'm Piri P and this is my crib!", Pirizuka says, now suddenly adorned with mad ghetto bling. I'm talking 80 gold teeth and a platinum dollar sign necklace. "I'm 'compnied by mah bruddah [insert reader name here], who's lookin mighty fine btw."
You blush; the sudden limerent remark really tosses your salad if you know what I'm saying. She continues:
"Hey bruv, izzat an atlas tree in yo pants or iz yall jus' happy ta see me?"
Now it all becomes clear, that's no ordinary camera crew. The mic guy clearly has a boner and is not embarrassed about it. The only logical conclusion is that Pirizuka lured you into the human trafficking business, which has been on the rise in Zerahypt street recently. They're totally going to record Pirizuka raping you and sell it to gross thilian weeaboos that only like Earth porn.
Pirizuka start slowly approaching you. Like, really slowly. She needs to get a boner after all, and currently her reybidick is deactivated. So she takes a bowl of white Reybirin cereal, which is basically Viagr-O's, and pops a wicked boner over a period of 20 days. At the end of the 20 days her reybidonkadonk is about to penetrate your tight pucker. Meanwhile, you had time to think about it, and realized THIS is the ass-autograph you really wanted.
You fuck for an entire fortnight, and thilian weebs all across the Zera-globe cum in unison. More importantly, you confessed your love to Piri-sempai, and she continued fucking you up the ass, so you assume that means she likes you too. You live happily ever after. Well, for as long as you survive the anal ravaging, that is.

The end.

 

This was a joke, by the way. A sort of parody, yet without having in-depth experience of that which is parodied. A caricature, perhaps? Thanks for the advice regardless; even the way I joke is influenced by my base writing skill in some way.

*writes eloquent response to indicate that I can actually write, even though I barely ever finish stories*

Edit: Actually now that I re-read it, how on earth do you not realize it's a joke when I start off with "Zerahypt City"?

 

Can you point out an example you think probably wasn't on purpose?

 

*sheds a single tear n nods approvingly*
azooze ;u;

 

I was imagining it just kind of jammed under the roof, barely connecting with the fuel nozzle.

 

I wonder if they'd realize it's satire.